Straight Shot
by cyberslavekitten
Summary: Kele is a meister with a vicodin addiction that keeps the Madness at bay. Sam is her weapon with a video game addiction and turns into her bow. Now they are embarking on the adventure to make Sam the perfect weapon, and learn how everything is turning for them. With a comedic turn about things, it seems the two of them have their work cut out for them. R


_**Author's Note:**_

_**So, this story is a project a friend of mine and I are doing, so this is what we got, to be totally honest, this is the funnest thing I've done so far, usually my stories are much more serious and have something to drag them down a bit. But yeah, this is a fun one. I hope you enjoy.**_

**They totally will. You have me writing the comedy to it. So, yeah, they will love it.**

Kele glanced around the empty courtyard, awaiting Sam's company. There was a moment before the slight hum in the air was answered as a De'Lorean ripped around the corner and pulled right in front of her bench. the window then rolled down and Sam leaned out the window.

"So, how much an hour?"

Kele smirks and stands up, she walks over to the car, slipping her bare leg in front of her, "Too much for you to afford Mama's Boy." she then slid into the car, her trenchcoat swinging behind her as she shut the door quickly. "But Lord Death sent us an assignment, before set up with our hunting tonight."

Sam quickly shifts his car into gear and takes off down the road. "We just got back from our last hunt. I was hoping to link up with Susan while we were here."

"Well, we can do that after our hunt, duh!" She pulls a bag of sunchips out of her purse and begins to munch on them, "But Lord Death has a mission, do you really want to tell him that you want to wait to do the mission so you can 'link up' with Susan?" Kele smiles playfully and continues to devour her bag of chips. After a while she sighs and looks down in the bag and mutters to herself, "Not quite my flavor." Tosses the rest of the bag out the window, she pulls a notebook out of her bag and makes a check mark next to a list.

Sam speeds down the road as pedestrians dodge out of the way. "Well, at least I got to sleep in my own bed. Want to grab some food before we get there or are we late?"

"We can get some food, we've got time," starts to dig through her purse, nibbling ever so slightly on her lip hungrily, her eyes widening, "I know...I've got it in here...somewhere." she is now elbow deep in her purse searching for it (It's not a very big purse so it looks somewhat strange that almost her entire arm is gone). "How about we grab some fast food, I'm starving!" her voice is now echoing from her purse like in a cavern.

Sam took the first right that was coming up and pulled through Death Hounds and ordered them both chili dogs. Kele hands Sam a few dollars to pay for her food before slipping a pill in her mouth and sucking down her soda through the straw, washing it down. She then begins to devour the three chili dogs she got. Once she finishes licking the leftover chili off her hands, then using the napkin to take care of the rest, she looks to Sam, wiping of her face.

"Alright, Lord Death informed me of the mission before you got me, we have to go to the edge of town to the old cemetery, there's been some commotion out there lately I guess, and since we're apparently the best pair for the job, it's us that are being sent out, I think he said he was going to send out another meister/weapon to help us if needed."

"Oh, yeah, since when did he think we were the right pair for a job? I specifically remember every one of our teachers telling us that we were the anchors in the class."

Kele laughs lightly as her head spins from the Vicadin she popped. "Well, he told me we were perfect for this job, so whatever he thinks we can do, I guess it works, Professor Stein seemed to agree, even though I know he hates me after that last time I stripped off all my clothes in class…" she drops off in thought about that day, giggling somewhat maniacally.

Sam takes back off down the road with the chili dog in one hand but a mad look on his face. "Don't remind me. That was just embarrassing."

Kele's laugh turns a little high pitch and grins, "That was not my fault! They said it was okay! They needed to do a Meister physical exam!"

"It was math class."

"That was one fucked up math teacher then. I specifically remember him mentioning the Meister Physical Exam"

"Over your weight to muscle ratio. Not actually wanting to see you naked. Face it, you just wanted Stein to see you naked."

"Hey, hey, hey! Stein is a hot teacher, you can't hate me for having a scar fetish, that man has such a way with his scalpel…" now dazes off with a creepy smile.

Sam parked his car on the street outside death academy. "Okay, lets get this over with. Are you high?"

"Um...no?" she looks around guiltily before sucking more on the straw, drawing in more soda before jumping out of the car quickly.

Sam was out of the car, in front of her before she could move any farther and pinned her to a nearby wall. "Kele, you need to stop this… Or I will end up having to lock you in room for a week."

Kele bit her lip and looked down. "It's the only way I'm able to cope with the effects of it though, I'm not trying to get high, I'm trying to avoid the insanity, or you'll end up having to _kill_ me instead. What else can I do to stop the Madness from taking over?"

"Well, lets see, find a reason to stay sane. You don't seem to be doing that." Sam reached into her jacket and pulled out her bottle of pills. "And this is your last prescription fill. You still had two more three days ago."

She lurches forward instinctively, reaching for the pill bottle, a look of desperation in her eyes, with a hint of panic. "But Sam! What else can I do? I use those so I can tune _out_ the Madness, without them...I don't know how long I'll last!"

Sam held her tight and put the bottle into his pocket. "I don't doubt that. but at this rate you will build an immunity to the drug and be doing it because you are just addicted. I'll give you two pills a day as specified. That's it."

Kele bit her lip again before sighing dejectedly. "Fine, I guess that's the most I can ask...I just...ever since the accident...it's been hard to deal with the Madness, that's why I turned to those in the first place…you know that."

Sam dropped her and gave her a hug. "It's alright, but you can't lean on the pills either. You need to deal with this yourself. They are a help, not a krutch."

"I know...I'm just not really used to dealing with it I guess. I never really had much of dependency on things before, and now...I don't really know _what_ it is. I just know that...it makes it all better, and instead of swimming in the Madness, I'm flying above and away from all the problems, I'm happy...and I feel free...but then I crash."

He moved keeping his hand on her shoulder and pointed up at the castle. "You could always talk to Death about it."

She nodded, looking up at the castle. "Yeah," she sighs slightly, before straightening her shoulders and her eyes turn slightly colder. "Well, let's get this over with, shall we?"

Sam let go of her and began walking up the stairs, pulling his handheld out and playing one of his games as he did. "Well, meisters do the talking."

Kele simply rolled her eyes but walked towards the building, slipping the leather gloves she had out of her pockets and sliding them easily on her hands as her socked feet silently padded across the stone courtyard, there were tire tracks that were climbing up the hundreds of stone stairs that led to the school, and they led straight to Sam's car.

They passed a couple of kids on the way in, apparently they were sent on a mission or something, otherwise they wouldn't be ditching. Kele recognized one of them, she was the top student in her class, Maka was her name...and her weapon was...Simba? No no no...damn those pills. All she could think of now was the birds flying across the stained sky in that movie and she began to hum the music to herself. Apparently rather loudly because the group of people looked at her.

"SOUL!" she shouted mid hum, Maka's weapon partner looked at Kele in confusion. "Sorry. Couldn't remember your name. Bye!" Kele quickly went into the school, blushing ever so slightly, something she hardly did.

She could feel herself getting twitchy as people began to whisper to each other as they passed. Naturally she was at the top of the gossip column after her, as they were calling it, Strip Tease for Stein, she was now quite the dirtiest bit of stuff they could find to talk about.

As she walked, she could feel herself treading water, her wings were beginning to fail, she was urging for a pill so bad, she needed to be lifted back into the sky, riding on her wings at full speed away from the terrible rumors and comments about her. She needed it badly but now...her safety net was gone. She was going to drown.

She stopped in front of the door to lord Deaths office as Sam knocked into the door because he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. "Gah, stupid doors."

Kele snickered as she opened the door. "Way to go Space Cadet, why don't you drive your ship with both hands and eyes on the road." She let him walk in first before following after quickly, letting the door slide shut behind them.

She followed Sam until they got into the main room and stepped out ahead as he leaned against one of the guillotines. Kele looked to Lord Death who stood in the center of the room, staring at the mirror in front of him, usually it was his way of communications, and Kele could sense he was watching them in the mirror. She swallowed hard before stepping forward, she made a quick, respective bow before speaking.

"Lord Death, we came as instructed." Kele said in a monotone voice, her eyes were cold and hard as she looked back up at him, waiting for a response.

Death turned around from his mirror and clapped his hands together. "Kele and Sam, good to see you both. I was… do I smell chilidog?"

Kele looked over at Sam and saw he was still eating his food while playing his game in one hand. She quickly nudged him with her elbow and he looked up startled but had his replay. "Yes, I picked up breakfast on the way here. Why, you want some?"

Lord Death nodded quickly, hurried over, swiped the dog out of your hand and swallowed it whole. "Anyways, I was hoping to explain a little bit more on the mission I assigned you both, hopefully Kele has had the opportunity to fill you in," Kele nodded simply,\. "Good, now, the partners that will be joining you will be Death the Kid, my son, and his weapons, Liz and Patty. Also, Professor Stein has willingly opted into joining you so he can monitor your work. Any questions?"

Sam raised his hand.

Death immediately knew what to answer with since he asked this every time. "Yes, you will need your car and yes we will reimburse you for the gas."

Sam's hand went down and he shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

Kele remained silent, despite the fact that this was apparently when the meisters did all the talking, she prefered to listen to the facts first, she had nothing really to say. Except maybe one thing that had been weighing heavily on her mind, he never really explained what they were looking for. "Would you please repeat our mission though, part of it did confuse me, like...why are we going to the graveyard for this?"

Lord Death nodded in his exuberant way. "Of course, of course kids. Well, the graveyard is currently holding several otherworldly spirits that have been very...er, active these last few weeks, causing several deaths, and people's souls have been getting eaten. We don't need another keishen (keishen? Is that right?), so I am looking for you to remove the spirits, and the one who woke them up, as I said, Kid and his weapons will be joining you, and Stein will be monitoring you, consider this a remedial lesson as you two seem to have the lowest scores in the class aside from Black Star."

"Sounds good, can we go?" Sam was back playing on his handheld again and looking bored as ever.

Lord Death stared for a while at Sam before nodding. Kele made a short bow before turning and walking back down the long hall, dragging Sam behind her, despite how nice Lord Death was, Kele didn't want him to realize how on the edge she was of hitting the Madness, she wasn't used to being this close to it.

It was tough to pull Sam along for a bit but then he got super light and the edge of his shirt became a handle. "I'll make it easier for you to carry me."

Kele sighed and sung the bow over her shoulder so it was hanging down, "Lazy ass, fine, let's get through classes and then we can head out. It's not going to be until this evening though."

She hurried down the hall and into the classroom where Stein was sitting on his chair backwards. "How nice of you to join us Kele," Stein said in his taunting voice, Kele blushed slightly and he smirked, "Where is Samuel?"

Kele gestured silently to the bow on her back before hurrying up to the seats that Sam and Kele usually sat at. "Alright, get back to your regular form. One of us has to take notes." She then laid her head down on the desk and easily fell asleep.

She was suddenly smacked in the face by a hand and her eyes shot open. Sam was sitting over her with his hand laying across her cheek. His eye was twitching, as it does when he was angry and he was holding out a pencil to her.

Kele glared at him before taking the pencil and just snapping it in half and then laying her head back down. "No," she said simply, her voice was a little agitated and shook ever so slightly.

"You need to take your own notes for class before-" Sam was cut off as a swivel chair smacked her in the head and smashed her into the desks behind her.

"All students remain awake for my class Ms. Kele."

Kele glared at him as she stood back up slowly, she was becoming very quickly agitated, probably from her not being able to use the pills, usually this was when she just popped a pill and said 'fuck it do your worst.' but now she had to actually tolerate it, something beyond all belief that she despised doing.

"Oh please, it's not like I haven't slept in this class before." Kele retorted venomously, before she grabbed the chair and threw it back at him with all her might. He merely caught it though, spun it around on the ground and sat back down. This was where Kele wished she could be the weapon, just tune into her weapon self and stop caring. But she knew being a weapon wasn't all fun and games. Sam had gotten so many injuries from fights because she had to use him to block a shot.

Stein began turning the screw in his head like he did when he was agitated and bent his head so that his glasses were covered by the shine from the sun. "Ms. Kele, do I need to remind you that I am monitoring your remedial class and it starts now not when you leave the school."

"Oh, fucking joy," Kele muttered as she sat back down in her chair. People were whispering again behind their hands. Shooting her nasty looks, she glanced briefly at Sam as her hand shot into her pocket with a spark of remembrance and she slowly pulled out single pill she had in case of emergencies. She didn't like using this, because it was something she only wanted to use as a last resort. But due to the fact of just how _awesome_ this day was she stopped caring.

Sam smacked the pill from her hand into the air and grabbed it with pin-point accuracy before putting it away in the bottle. "No."

Kele growled a little, internally kicking herself for not just going into the bathroom to take that pill. She let her head slam down on the desk with a groan and closed her eyes. She didn't bother going to sleep, she knew that by now there was no point. Between getting bitch slapped and having a chair getting thrown at her she was so done trying to get any sleep.

She rolled her head over and saw that Sam was taking accurate notes as always.

She closed her eyes again and allowed herself to breathe slowly, in hopes of calming down so she didn't break into a nervous sweat. She was losing her krutch, and despite she knew how weak it made her seem, it was something she felt she would die without. Guess that's why it was her krutch.


End file.
